I feel like blogging now. Okay. I was super high after my 400m event today, when i managed to convince myself that i did my best in that circumstance. Now i'm not so sure. I feel like killing myself. Not because I wanted to do well for myself today, but moreso for others. People who believed i could do better. And what's the point of telling me i ran well and tried my best if i don't believe it myself? Honestly, today's run feels worse than thursday's contrary to the timings. Perhaps it was because i could hear Vanessa behind me all the way? I feel like i could have beaten Vanessa if only i had tried hard enough. Vanessa got 9th. For chloe's info, Vanessa is the girl we helped. I was ahead of her all the way until the curve. Which means that when i reached the curve, i was still at the same place as her. Then she overtoook. Which is when i should have chased! Anyway, Vanessa is very nice. I'll meet her again at 800m if i'm in heat 1. I just realised a friend i knew from ballet class when i was in P2 is probably Sonia Chan, from St nicks. Some super zai runner and ballerina. I mean, her shoe can drop off in her Grade 2 exam, and she can still get honours. Zaidedness right? I think she was in the 'Beauty and the Beast' ballet production by the Sylvia McCully School of Dancing. Looking back on those days, it really is quite amusing. I rmb the antagonistic retorts i used to throw back at Leonie and her gang of friends. I probably was the most hated person on Leonie's list. I think i was kind of unreasonable and petty when young. I have no idea. All i know is the only people i got along with was Gloria and her friends. And everyone seemed to be Gloria's friend. Wong Liang Hui(the ny pple know her), Squirrel(Cheryl Ann Lee), Natasha Kim(I met her at the funny restaurant at Liang Court in P3). How many of the RG pple would believe i know Cheryl and Liang Hui through ballet? yes, Cheryl, the SL, the Tarbetian, the 108er. Why am i going back into the ballet days? I can't turn time back and work harder on my ballet. It's not like i want to now. But honestly, 5 yrs wasted on ballet. 3 ballet camps. Character shoes, character skirts, new leotards, normal shoes, pink ballet socks... ballet belts! I wonder how many thousands my mum spent on it. I feel guilty. And after all that, I can't split. Sheesh! But i do have my nice character skirt and shoes!Which tell me how much i grow. I can't buckle it anymore. My skirt. I grew lots fatter. And taller too My longgggg character skirt which used to be slightly above my ankles are now slightly below my knees? Yay! I can boast a 7 colour character skirt. Which shows i was tall, cos most people had only 5 colours. :p Gah. I learnt something. I shall never learn anything again, unless i really want to. I have no doubt if my mum hadn't offered me the chance to start learning ballet at 4, by 5, i would've asked my mum to let me learn, and i would have treasured it a lot more and worked harder on it. My legs ache. Do you suppose that would count as a sign that i did my best? My best isn't that lousy though. I hope. My best considering circumstances? Perhaps.I should have stretched. Sigh. Too lazy to blog anymore. St Nick girls are nice... :p oh yeah. most of the girls i were running with were sec 2. Could i reach their standard by next year? If only Xinqi had run. She would have beaten them all. I think Mr Tan is pissed with me. I so care don't I? I'm high! Yes chloe dear, I'll smile. I'm NOT depressed or sickly or skinny. Though i did feel like a scarecrow today. The comp vest is kinda loose. To think i wanted an XL. :p
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